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Prone to magical thinking, the narcissist is deeply convinced of the transcendental meaning of his life. He fervently believes in his own uniqueness and “mission”. He constantly searches for clues regarding the hidden - though inevitable - meaning of his personal life. The narcissist is forever a “public persona”, even when alone, in the confines of his bedroom. His every move, his every act, his every decision and every scribbling is of momentous consequence. The narcissist often documents his life with vigil, for the benefit of future biographers. His every utterance and shred of correspondence are carefully orchestrated as befitting a historical figure of import.

This grandiose background leads to an exaggerated sense of entitlement. The narcissist feels that he is worthy of special and immediate treatment by the most qualified. His time is too precious to be wasted by bureaucratic trifles, misunderstandings, underlings, and social conventions. His mission is urgent. Other people are expected both to share the narcissist’s self-assessment - and to behave accordingly: to accommodate his needs, instantly comply with his wishes, and succumb to his whims.

But the world does not always accommodate, comply, and succumb. It often resists the wishes of the narcissist, mocks his comportment, or, worst of all, ignores him. The narcissist reacts to this with a cycle of frustration and aggression.

Still, it is not always possible to express naked aggression. Many cultures frown on directness and encourage white lies – or outright deception - in order to avoid or mitigate conflict. “Straight talk” may be dangerous, or counterproductive, or plain silly. Even the narcissist cannot attack his boss, or a policeman, or the neighbourhood bully with impunity.

So, the narcissist’s aggression wears many forms. The narcissist suddenly becomes brutally “honest”, or bitingly “humorous”, or smotheringly “helpful”, or sexually “experimental”, or socially “reclusive”, or behaviourally “different”, or find yet another way to express his scathing and repressed hostility. He often labels such thinly disguised aggression: “tough love”.

The narcissist’s favourite sadistic cocktail is brutal honesty coupled with “helpful advice” and “concern” for the welfare of the person attacked. The narcissist blurts out - often unprovoked - hurtful observations. These statements are invariably couched in a socially impeccable context. Akin to “anger management”, the sadistic narcissist also requires “truth management” to teach him how to contain his impulsive and offensive “honesty” and “directness”.

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